The Amazing (and pleasing) Election of Mr. Bush

November/2004: Election '04 - So the pain is over. The year of electioneering finally done. And at the end? I'm amazed and somewhat pleased at the results. First, the absolute amazement.

The Amazing: The most amazing fact is that Bush won. You start at the top. Bush's victory is astounding. This is a president that dragged us into a very stupid war. A war that has weakened the US Military in a lot of terrible ways. Iraq itself is not justified by anything the President has used to try to justify it. We all know this. The war was pointless with Syria, Iran, and North Korea all wandering around afoot. Yet, he overcame the Iraq debacle. That is an election miracle, really. Sure, we haven't kicked out a president during wartime in our history, but this isn't exactly the same sort of politically-minded country that we used to be.

But double that amazement by the fact that Bush won by so much. As you know, he lost the popular vote last time, and only won Florida by 537 votes. That's nothing. That's barely anything. The guy barely won. And that was a campaign with him as a reform-crusading outsider. Not the steward of a misbegotten war, an economy that is on the recovery but seen as a failure by the majority of Americans. Plus he's on the wrong side of Stem Cell research, which is supported by many influential republicans. Yet he was able to pick up over 300,000 more votes in Florida, and a margin of 3 million votes across the country.

That's amazing. But it doesn't stop. He was able to win states that he lost in the last election. After four years of what is commonly agreed as a tough road. But keep going... the gains of the Republicans across the board are even perhaps more amazing. Tom Daschle's loss cannot be overstated as a major political event. Their gains in the Senate and House, while presiding over an unpopular war are also mind-boggling. Not only did they gain, but their most conservative members moved from the House to the Senate.

That's one amazing election, especially when the polls and exit polls led to another conclusion. People across the globe are askign themselves, "how could this happen?"

The media has not made mention of the following fact I'm about to write, but it explains exactly why the nation went very conservative for this election. September 11th. The terrorist attacks upon this country actually accomplished the opposite of Al Qaeda goals. Sure, it fucked up our economy like nothing else could, but at the same time they created millions of born-again Christian neo-conservatives. The exact opposite of what their tactical goals were.

The attacks shook the country. We were happy, descending into a flapperesque sort of mentality. We were looking inward, not outward. Foreign policy was the last thing on anyone's minds in the common public. We were focused on domestic issues, fracturing ourselves with partisan strife. Look at the mess that was the 2000 elections. By hitting us as hard as they did, they shook the foundation of a lot of apathetic people into conservatism and christianity. Like I said, exactly the opposite of their goals. In general, a fearful American will rush to embrace christianity, and by extension, conservatism.

These new born-agains won the election for Bush. And make no mistake, Osama Bin Laden would have rather seen John Kerry as president. That's why he popped up before the election, threatening states that voted Bush. A colossal miscalculation, believing us to be nothing more than decadent Spain, eager to roll-over for a terrorist fuckhead. In reality, that videotape only solidified these new born-agains against Kerry. That videotape was the best Al Qaeda could do. A terrorist attack itself would have perhaps swung the election to Kerry, but the failure of Al Qaeda to have the capacity to launch one helped Bush immensely. Nobody dies from videotapes.

The wide margin of victory has to be worrying for democrats and liberals, who will have to hope for an even worse debacle for Republicans to lose their now solid grip on the nation. This president couldn't have been more hated by the democrat base. I move to state that no presidential candidate the Republicans can run will be as hated as George Bush is by the democrats. Their base will never be as mobilized again, and they still lost.

In truth, I think they will continue to lose. I was shocked that the opposite of what I expected happened, but after thinking for a long time about it, the results make sense. This country has been shifted generationally to the right by 9/11. And the left does themselves no favors by harboring conspiracy theorists and fuckheads like Michael Moore.

Which brings me to the pleasing part of the last election...

The Pleasing: I am pleased that Bush won. I voted Badnarik, which is a shock to exactly no one as I will always vote Libertarian when I see an L on the ballot... yet, I'm pleased Bush won. We Libertarians have a natural enemy. The cats to our dogs are the socialists. When you look at the political map, they're our opposites. This year, the socialists turned out en masse against Bush. That's enough to make me prefer Bush to Kerry. Sure, there's no difference between the two, but there is a difference in their constituency. I live in Oregon. I'm surrounded by fools.

These fools have gone on and on with their crazy 9/11 conspiracy theories and utterly anti-Libertarian stances. These idiots have bashed the war in Afghanistan, bashed privatizing social security... you name it. They are the anti-Libertarians. And they hated Bush. They hated Bush! They turned out in droves for Kerry, who really isn't that different... still, they would have been happy. Way too happy. They would have felt that they have political power.

All those "Deaniacs" That Howard Dean created by espousing socialist propaganda would have felt empowered. That's the exact opposite of what we as Libertarians want to have happen. These people need to be denigrated as politically irrelevant. This election made them feel politically irrelevant. All those new registered Democrats who bought into the "BUSH = ADOLF SATAN" propaganda? Gone. This was a huge loss and disappointment to them. And they'll never be as motivated as they were for this election. Bush's victory has knocked out quite a few socialist voters, and that should be enough to make any Libertarian gleeful.

And of course, Michael Moore. General Fathead and his Fathead propaganda claimed that his goal was to "influence the election" and "get rid of Bush." Well Corporal Cholesterol, the opposite happened. Bush gained more votes than any presidential candidate in America's history. He won Florida by more votes. He won the popular vote in convincing fashion. The efforts of Filmmaker Flabbo didn't just have a nil effect on the consciousness of the election, but his fatheaded blowhard statements likely mobilized more voters against Kerry than for.

Hollywood celebrities in general were repudiated. I was recently on a long airplane flight and I read an edition of People magazine. Mind you, it wasn't mine but the passengers next to me. There were two pages of nothing but pictures of celebrities wearing Kerry t-shirts. Nothing but people like Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck, you name it. All trying to influence a presidential election. Again, backfire.

These elements could be disastrous to the election process if motivated. Socialists, the youth vote, Michael Moore and celebrities. It is not Bush's victory that pleases me, but the literal personal, deep loss to these people that a Bush victory represents. They will be less motivated in the future, less embracing of socialist/liberal values. They will be muted (with the obvious exception of Moore, who doesn't even stop talking when he has a mouthful of sammich) and they muted is good.

It is their tears which please me, the mouth-shut of each and every socialist conspiracy-theorism asshole in this very liberal city. Those screaming about Fox News, Bush, Halliburton, you name it. They all lost. They all lost very hard.

And that to me, is amazingly pleasing.