June/2004: The SNP - A lot of things have come easy to me during life. Reading history, public speaking, argumentation... quite a few traits. Public speaking is listed high on many American's "biggest fears" list, so it's something to be somewhat proud of.

One of the things I'm the most proud to have mastered is being alone. Grew up alone 90% of the time. Prepared me for a nice, typically-solitary adulthood. I'm very good at being alone in almost all areas. Except one. A very simple one I should be good at, but cannot master for the life of me.

Watching movies.

I love movies. I take endless joy in them. Love to watch them, love to "rent" them, you name it. Currently I have about 140 movies that I can watch. Now, of those, I've probably seen (and enjoyed) 100 of them. That leaves roughly forty movies that I have which I have not seen. Should be boredom bliss, no?

Nope. Can't do it. I have lost the ability to sit and watch a full-length film by myself. I simply cannot do it. I attempt it often, and fail. Just the other night, I started up "Finding Nemo", which I have not seen. Made it about eight minutes before breaking out to do something else. Tried "Lost in Translation" and got to see that the quality of it is very good. Went for, of all things, "Stuck On You" and got nowhere.

So I have all these movies and no real way to watch them. I love movies, they're wonderful... but it's impossible now. I used to be able to watch them alone. I used to go to the theater all the time, by myself, to watch films. I saw "Unbreakable" in the theater by myself three times before I saw it in the theater with someone else. Something changed. Not quite sure what it is. But it's something.

The fact that I can't watch movies alone anymore makes me wonder what else I can't do alone? Or what may I not be able to do alone in the future? Sitcoms? Wrestling? Music? Restaurants? Losing my superpower of "alone" would be a fate worse than death. I've long watched too many pathetic individuals make bad social choices just so they won't have to be alone. It's the biggest driver of human beings into bad relationships. I submit that it has created more bad relationships than even alcohol.

I may just have to invest in a prostitute. I wonder if it would be against the law to pay a female to lay around and watch movies with you. Could you go to jail for that? It is technically solicitation. Probably not, since you can pay for females to 'escort' you to parties and such. How transient, considering that I would obtain more pleasure from just hanging out with a film than random fuckery.

Anyways, I think I will simply continue to accumulate movies until if I meet someone. And if I do, they better fucking love movies. If not, they're going to be really, really bored. Really. Really. Bored.

Poor hypothetical chicka.

I'm starting to know how Superman feels when he gets close to kryptonite... just too bad I enjoy my kryptonite so much.