At long last, the return of...
May/2007: The Internet has missed many things over the last six months or so, but nothing it has missed is more missed (by me) than... posting creepy pedo emails! Yes!
Okay, so perhaps there are better things on the 'net but I submit that my posting creepy pedo emails rates at least in the top 100 of all things on the Internet. Of course, since humanity has turned the Internet into mostly a vast rotting carcass of garbage, that's probably not much to brag about.
But screw the intro, it's creepy pedo email time!
From May 10th:
Title of email: LE hypothetical questions ANSWER THEM IF YOU CAN
I hadn't actually received a piece of pedo-inanity in quite a while, so it was quite the pleasant surprise to receive yet another sterling piece of pedophile trash in the ol' email literally a couple days after reopening my blog. Good timing, creepy pedo emailer!
Anyways, he did indeed throw down the gauntlet. He said ANSWER THEM IF YOU CAN. In big letters, just like that. That's the gauntlet. Big letter email challenge = definition of the gauntlet.
I SHALL ANSWER THEM BECAUSE I CAN (That's how you return said gauntlet with gauntlet of your own).
No. Hey, that was pretty easy.
Wait a second, I have no way to answer that. Asking a question which presupposes the answer to the previous question is just bad form in creepy question asking. Of course, asking someone who is attracted to children of all things to understand the protocol of asking question is probably too much to ask.
See last question. Asking a question which presupposes the answer to a question two questions ago is very, very stupid.
Probably, actually. Most communicating sexually with a minor or pandering sexual materials to a minor laws are not written with the verbiage "any adult who..." Kind of like how if a 16 year old takes sexually explicit photos of a 12 year old that 16 year old can be drilled with child porn charges.
No. Gee, another easy one.
We do a rain dance and sing hullaballoo, hullaballoo. Actually, ask us if that ever happens (Note: It won't happen. Ever.).
No, we don't go after them, we actually hide them in a secret bunker and have them work on complex mathematical equations. You see, the website Perverted-Justice.com is actually a secret front organization for a group of mad mathematicians who seek to win the Fields medal but are actually far too lazy to do so. Hence, these mad mathematicians who are secretly behind everything we do actually have us go out and troll, no, not to get predators arrested, but to have the millions of female predators who have hit on us enslaved to sit in mathematical sweatshops working on complex equations in order to make a tremendous breakthrough. Pretty clever no? Of course, it's probably more work than if the secret mathematicians just did the equations themselves, but like I said, they're mad. And lazy.
There, secret revealed, everyone can stop asking us that stupid question now.
Yes. Man, that's a fucking easy question there.
No. Wow, another really easy question.
And here's where I knew I was going to post this email. This is perhaps the most classic pedo line of all pedo lines I've ever received. He asks, quite stupidly, if it were okay for him to go back in time and have sex with a thirteen year old who would later become his wife. Of course, we're going to say no. But no, that's not the notable part of this.
He then thinks that perhaps the answer to the supposed faux-wife going back into time would be DIFFERENT than the answer of the faux-husband going back into time. As if I was going to respond "No, it is wrong for you to have sex with a thirteen year old who in another timestream and much older, is your wife, but yes, it's okay if your wife went back into time and had sex with you when you were thirteen."
This is why pedophiles are creepy. Not only because of the whole disgusting and disturbing "kid thing", but because their brains work so poorly that they actually think "hey, might be a different answer to the second question."
Yes, you would both be pedophiles if you had sex with a thirteen year old. That's a really, really easy question.
Yes, actually it would. You see, you would be having sex with a child. I hate to break the news to the world, but when you have sex with a child, you're a pedophile. I know, don't fall over from shock... yes, having sex with children = pedophile.
Now that we've informed the internet of this news, may they now know that they should not have sex with children.
No, actually. But sending me a lot of stupid questions trying to come up with scenarios where it's okay for a grown person to have sex with children does make you a pedophile.
It would make you a necrophile, having sex with any dead thing, be it a fetus, animal or person, would make you a necrophiliac. They're no better than pedophiles, so you've really nothing to aspire to there, either.
Your welcome, thank YOU for giving me another opportunity to show the Internet just how creepy people on the 'net can be. Congratulations for helping to educate random people on just how scummy humans can really be.
Okay, so perhaps there are better things on the 'net but I submit that my posting creepy pedo emails rates at least in the top 100 of all things on the Internet. Of course, since humanity has turned the Internet into mostly a vast rotting carcass of garbage, that's probably not much to brag about.
But screw the intro, it's creepy pedo email time!
From May 10th:
Title of email: LE hypothetical questions ANSWER THEM IF YOU CAN
Have one of your online decoys ever had an explicit chat with a teenage boy or girl pretending to be an adult? Has one of those teenagers ever shown up for the sting operation? If so, what happened to the teenager posing as an adult? Is it illegal for a teenager pretending to be an adult to express a desire to have sex with an adult pretending to be a teenager?
Have any of the online predators ever sent a decoy of their own to the sting operation? What happens if the person who shows up to the sting operation isn't the same person who participated in the online chat?
Also, do you ever go after female predators? After all, they are out there. Especially female school teachers.
If time travel were possible and I went back in time and had sex with myself as a child, would that make me a pedophile? Would it be okay for me to go back in time and fuck my wife when she was 13? Would it be okay for my wife to go back in time and fuck me when I was 13? Would that make either myself or my wife a pedophile?
If human cloning were possible, would having sex with my clone while it was a child make me a pedophile?
I used to masturbate a lot when I was a child. Does that make me a pedophile?
If I want to have sex with an aborted fetus, does that make me a pedophile?
Just wondering. Thanks
Have any of the online predators ever sent a decoy of their own to the sting operation? What happens if the person who shows up to the sting operation isn't the same person who participated in the online chat?
Also, do you ever go after female predators? After all, they are out there. Especially female school teachers.
If time travel were possible and I went back in time and had sex with myself as a child, would that make me a pedophile? Would it be okay for me to go back in time and fuck my wife when she was 13? Would it be okay for my wife to go back in time and fuck me when I was 13? Would that make either myself or my wife a pedophile?
If human cloning were possible, would having sex with my clone while it was a child make me a pedophile?
I used to masturbate a lot when I was a child. Does that make me a pedophile?
If I want to have sex with an aborted fetus, does that make me a pedophile?
Just wondering. Thanks
I hadn't actually received a piece of pedo-inanity in quite a while, so it was quite the pleasant surprise to receive yet another sterling piece of pedophile trash in the ol' email literally a couple days after reopening my blog. Good timing, creepy pedo emailer!
Anyways, he did indeed throw down the gauntlet. He said ANSWER THEM IF YOU CAN. In big letters, just like that. That's the gauntlet. Big letter email challenge = definition of the gauntlet.
I SHALL ANSWER THEM BECAUSE I CAN (That's how you return said gauntlet with gauntlet of your own).
Have one of your online decoys ever had an explicit chat with a teenage boy or girl pretending to be an adult?
No. Hey, that was pretty easy.
Has one of those teenagers ever shown up for the sting operation?
Wait a second, I have no way to answer that. Asking a question which presupposes the answer to the previous question is just bad form in creepy question asking. Of course, asking someone who is attracted to children of all things to understand the protocol of asking question is probably too much to ask.
If so, what happened to the teenager posing as an adult?
See last question. Asking a question which presupposes the answer to a question two questions ago is very, very stupid.
Is it illegal for a teenager pretending to be an adult to express a desire to have sex with an adult pretending to be a teenager?
Probably, actually. Most communicating sexually with a minor or pandering sexual materials to a minor laws are not written with the verbiage "any adult who..." Kind of like how if a 16 year old takes sexually explicit photos of a 12 year old that 16 year old can be drilled with child porn charges.
Have any of the online predators ever sent a decoy of their own to the sting operation?
No. Gee, another easy one.
What happens if the person who shows up to the sting operation isn't the same person who participated in the online chat?
We do a rain dance and sing hullaballoo, hullaballoo. Actually, ask us if that ever happens (Note: It won't happen. Ever.).
Also, do you ever go after female predators? After all, they are out there. Especially female school teachers.
No, we don't go after them, we actually hide them in a secret bunker and have them work on complex mathematical equations. You see, the website Perverted-Justice.com is actually a secret front organization for a group of mad mathematicians who seek to win the Fields medal but are actually far too lazy to do so. Hence, these mad mathematicians who are secretly behind everything we do actually have us go out and troll, no, not to get predators arrested, but to have the millions of female predators who have hit on us enslaved to sit in mathematical sweatshops working on complex equations in order to make a tremendous breakthrough. Pretty clever no? Of course, it's probably more work than if the secret mathematicians just did the equations themselves, but like I said, they're mad. And lazy.
There, secret revealed, everyone can stop asking us that stupid question now.
If time travel were possible and I went back in time and had sex with myself as a child, would that make me a pedophile?
Yes. Man, that's a fucking easy question there.
Would it be okay for me to go back in time and fuck my wife when she was 13?
No. Wow, another really easy question.
Would it be okay for my wife to go back in time and fuck me when I was 13?
And here's where I knew I was going to post this email. This is perhaps the most classic pedo line of all pedo lines I've ever received. He asks, quite stupidly, if it were okay for him to go back in time and have sex with a thirteen year old who would later become his wife. Of course, we're going to say no. But no, that's not the notable part of this.
He then thinks that perhaps the answer to the supposed faux-wife going back into time would be DIFFERENT than the answer of the faux-husband going back into time. As if I was going to respond "No, it is wrong for you to have sex with a thirteen year old who in another timestream and much older, is your wife, but yes, it's okay if your wife went back into time and had sex with you when you were thirteen."
This is why pedophiles are creepy. Not only because of the whole disgusting and disturbing "kid thing", but because their brains work so poorly that they actually think "hey, might be a different answer to the second question."
Would that make either myself or my wife a pedophile?
Yes, you would both be pedophiles if you had sex with a thirteen year old. That's a really, really easy question.
If human cloning were possible, would having sex with my clone while it was a child make me a pedophile?
Yes, actually it would. You see, you would be having sex with a child. I hate to break the news to the world, but when you have sex with a child, you're a pedophile. I know, don't fall over from shock... yes, having sex with children = pedophile.
Now that we've informed the internet of this news, may they now know that they should not have sex with children.
I used to masturbate a lot when I was a child. Does that make me a pedophile?
No, actually. But sending me a lot of stupid questions trying to come up with scenarios where it's okay for a grown person to have sex with children does make you a pedophile.
If I want to have sex with an aborted fetus, does that make me a pedophile?
It would make you a necrophile, having sex with any dead thing, be it a fetus, animal or person, would make you a necrophiliac. They're no better than pedophiles, so you've really nothing to aspire to there, either.
Just wondering. Thanks
Your welcome, thank YOU for giving me another opportunity to show the Internet just how creepy people on the 'net can be. Congratulations for helping to educate random people on just how scummy humans can really be.
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