Follow the sunny paved road! Follow, follow, follow!

June/2005: Personal - I set out today, a bold adventurer in pursuit of food-stuff, upon a sunny paved road towards a modern-day castle. Beset by other adventurers on all sides, but with a mighty sun in my face... the travel was light, but the events were certainly dire.

It is obvious that the secret to getting a wench is knowing how to whistle. For the bold man in front of me whistled at a female, who turned and looked at him. Why, being able to whistle! How else would a female know of any potential interest if you cannot pucker your lips and make a loud shrill sound? Females are all about us, everywhere. They are not attuned to we males unless we whistle. I have learned this today. They're like animals, who need a high pitched wail to be communicated with. They then hear the noise and think "Why, that ugly 30-something guy in the blue car thinks I'm pretty? I am swooned." That is the way the world works. Learn to whistle.

I then came upon a real man's man. Motorcycles with loud noises mean you're a man. The louder and more annoying, the more male you are. That's the secret. The only downside to the annoying loud motorcycle is that I doubt a female would hear if you whistle. Then again, you're such a man with a really loud... TURQUOISE... motorcycle that you need not whistle, for females will flock to your low rumble.

Eventually the man's man motored away, leaving me behind a person who... yes, had to come to a full stop to take a right turn. I have not myself seen the dangers of the right-hand turn, but apparently they are many. This individual came to a complete stop on a 45 mile an hour road just so he could take a right turn into a parking lot. Now, I, in my rashness... would simply take the right turn by somewhat slowing down and moving the wheel. Apparently this person is more advanced than I, knowing that he needs to take a complete stop. In fact, I believe he has gone around the town, educating other motorists about this important step when taking a simple right turn... for it seems everyone else makes practice of this same skill.

Travelling along, I saw a shirtless overweight man with a purple and blue backpack riding an electric scooter. Not a scooter like a moped, but one of those old "foot push" kid scooters. The kind you used to see kids riding and wonder what was wrong with their parents. This 30-something fat man had sunglasses on. You know, to be cool. I think he would need to whistle very loudly indeed.

Eventually though, I came to my destination. But lo! A monster appeared in the visage of an angry homeless man waving his arms around in the hot parking lot. I snuck past this beast and his bellowing at the world, avoiding his +5 HP attack of beggery.

Then, I came upon my destination. The land of Quiznos. A bountiful land, which while suffering from bad advertisements, is stocked by the most regal and royal foodstuffs. Quickly ordering and paying a tithe to the King of Quiznos, I acquired my bounty, made my way past the begger of doom and navigated my way wence I came, sunshine shining down upon this proud traveller, whose mission was an unqualified success.

Once in my abode, the treasure was unveiled...

The Angus Double Steak and Cheese Sandwich

For it is the greatest sandwich in all the land. Double helping of Angus Steak, double the cheese, peppercorn sauce... all on hefty slabs of toasted white bread. It is the only sandwich worthy of we Meatatarians, superior to all other subs which try to thrust the green slime onto the 'wich, depriving you of the proper serving of steak and cheese that you are entitled to. It is worth the loud man's man, the visage of the shirtless fat man, the whistler and even the monster begger. It is worth all that and more, for there shall never be a greater sandwich in all the land, forevermore.