I did not have sex with that woman. Or that one. Or her.

March/2005: Personal Attacks - I'm beginning to feel like an actual celebrity. Real celebrities have to deal with tabloids like the Sun, National Enquirier, the Star, etc, etc. We've all seen these magazines with their lavish rumors slapped across the front of them alleging all sorts of rampant sex, drugs and rock n' roll. While I haven't been featured in any of those august publications, I can certainly understand the feeling of actual famous people as pro-pedophile organizations have taken to similar tactics in order to attack me. Of course, they'd look silly claiming drugs and rock n' roll, so it's all about the "rampant Xavier sex!"

I'm kind of flattered, honestly.

Usually, I don't bother myself with refuting all the various attacks on me. Most are pointless, boorish and utterly untrue. However, the whole "Xavier has had sex with everyone" attack is so novel, so original and so spectacular that I have to publicly mock it. Apparently, according to the pedophile enablers supposedly "in the know", I've seen it alleged that I've had sex with many people. One person that is often stated that I've had sex with is perhaps the most amusing. Yes, that would be Satine.

No, I've not had sex with Satine. No offense to Satine, but I wouldn't have sex with her. Not four years ago (before I even knew her) and not when she's 19, 20 or 21. I did not have sex with that woman. I would not have sex with that woman. Why? Gee, I don't know, but I guess I could think of a couple reasons, yep. I'm sure Satine is a great person to hang out with, if you want to hang out with a goth. I've met Satine and her boyfriend once, as they were in town once. Yes, myself, Phoebus, her and her boyfriend went and had chinese food last year. Now, unless I'm mistaking the eating of sauced chicken as "sexual intercourse", I think I'm pretty well in the clear. That was the extent of the meet. Chinese food. It was yummy. It was a veritable ORGY of chinese food. But not an orgy of sex. Sorry guys, I know the idea is disappointing, as my sex life is so focused on, I feel obligated to tell-all.

Apparently I've also had sex with a former PeeJ poster called Batesmotelgirl. Now, again, I am flattered. It is flattering that I'm thought so highly of that I'm attracting women from many states away, hell, thanks for the props! But I'm not. I've never met this person, let alone done the "joint post" with her. Once again, I did not have sex with that woman. Considering that last I heard she was in a happy relationship, I truly doubt that I will be having sex with her in the future either.

Here is just a partial list of other people whom I have not "stirred the soup" with:
Jennifer Good, Jennifer Lopez, Mario Lopez, Super Mario, Super Dave, Dave Robinson, Holly Robinson, Lauren Holly, Ralph Lauren, King Ralph, King Louie, Louie Armstrong, Armstrong Williams, Venus Williams, Venus De Milo, Milo and Otis, Otis Taylor and the Otis Taylor Band, James Taylor, Henry James, Oil Can Henry, Oil Can Boyd, Billy Boyd, Billy Jack Haynes, Jack Black, Lewis Black, Lewis and Clark, Wesley Clark, Wesley Crusher, Crusher Hogan, Brooke Hogan, Brooke Burke, Leo Burke, Leo Durocher, Dr. Kyle Durocher, Selina Kyle, Selinaskat, Megankat, Megan Lloyd George, Christopher Lloyd, Christopher Lee, Lee Harvey Oswald or Del Harvey as only a partial list. While I did sleep in proximity to Del Harvey once while in New York City, that's not "stirring the soup" and doesn't count. And no, this entire list isn't a flimsy excuse to brag about that. It's actually just filler.

Why people think making up a more exciting sex-laden fiction about me is going to have an impact is amusing. They'd probably be far better off working with the truth. Truth is, I don't find sex to be that big of a deal. If it's important to whoever I'm dating, great, if not, don't care. I've had sexual intercourse with four females. Yep, just four. I'm not a playa and I don't crush a lot, to quote Big Punisher. My second relationship was filled with "El soup" at nineteen and since then I haven't stressed about it at all. Whoopie is big whoopty. Of the four females I've had sexual intercourse with, two were older than I (but not by more than five years), one was the same age and one was one year younger. That's reality. Not as much fun as the fiction, I'm sure, but if anyone were to do their homework on me rather than making up James Bond-esque stories, that's what they'd find. I'd be fine admitting that I've had sex with all these random people, I don't think there would be any shame in it considering how society looks upon males who stir that soup often, but it's just not me.

I'm also a strong supporter of this genius age equation: Take your age, divide it by two, add 7. I'm 25. Dividing that by two would be 13. Adding seven makes 20. I won't date anyone under the age of twenty. When I'm 27, I won't date anyone under the age of 21. And so on and so forth. Everyone should live by that equation, it makes sense no matter how old you become. When I hit 40, the lowest age I can date without being an idiot will be 27. It just makes sense for everyone to follow as a unwritten law. I pretty much socially shun people who don't follow that equation. Yeah, that's just how extreme I am about the age paradigms.

Those who hate PeeJ are in a bad position when it comes to me as they only have three choices. One, make up fantastical stories about my world tour of fuckery. Two, do some research and claim the truth... that I've never been arrested, never done drugs, never done anything all that morally wrong. Or third, state that they don't have any idea of who I am after all. Either way, they'll either look stupid, I'll look good or they'll be back at square one. Take your pick. Three options and all of them work pretty well for me. The best part is how telling such fabrications are about PeeJ. To be down to making up a sex life for myself means one thing only: They know they have failed at shit-talking PeeJ as an organization. None of their claims can be proven, are true or hold weight with the common public. It's truly the mark of desperate people. The fun thing is that there are things to attack me over. I'll give a bit of a list of bad qualities I have.

- Arrogant: Yep, I'm arrogant about various things. Freely admit that.
- Elitism: Especially intellectually, I'm a goddamned prick elitist.
- Intolerance: I live with a "hard line" mentality. Cross a specific line, no more tolerance for a person.
- Cursing: Oh no I say bad words!
- Unattractiveness: I'm not a physically attractive person, nor care to be.
- Children: Don't particularly like them. Don't want to have them.
- Atheism: This makes me unfit to ever be president by itself, according to Star Jones.
- Recycling: A more wasteful activity has never occurred. That makes me evil.
- Argumentative: I'll argue anything with anyone, even stuff I don't believe.
- Sarcasm: Supposedly the most unattractive trait there is to females.
- Competitiveness: Al Davis is spot on... "Just win, baby."

That's the extent of my worst qualities. Have a field day!

I wonder if it'll stop at "Xavier has tons of sex" on the lie scale? Perhaps they'll come up with "Xavier has lots of money" and "Xavier eats a lot of steak" for the next oh-so-vicious attacks. I know, "Xavier has impeccable shoes." Ooo, I feel the burn already. Those would probably be just as vicious as the terrible allegation that I have a happenin' sex life. The sting, oh god, the sting of such accusations! It burns me down... deep. Making up untrue stories that, to the majority of public, make me look better doesn't help you.

Bring on Ken Starr! I did not have sex with that woman, or that woman... or that woman! There is no blue dress!


I'm just not as interesting as this redneck. Sorry.